Sunday, 7 February 2010

Unlucky Heather

Top 10: 7th February 2010

Last week! Dancing On Ice caught '70s fever yet again, which makes me suspect that someone high up on the production team really fetishises that decade. I'm pulling for 1920s week next year. That would be fun. Hayley scored an impressive 23.0, and even the judges were in a good mood. Well, except when Jason bitched out Dr Hilary (and called Sharron a turd, but funnily enough the intro glosses over this), and when they decided to send Tana home, at long last. This week! There appear to be lots of swimming-style routines, and a lot of people falling over. Again. What are the odds? Oh, and the headbanger is back. Yay! Hope it's better than that shitshow Roxanne was passing off as a headbanger last year. This is Dancing On Ice! ON ICE!

Phil and Holly are here - he in a sharp silver suit, she in a glittery bodice and with her hair looking absolutely lovely. Phil teases Hayley attempting the headbanger once more, but before we get to any of the real stuff, we have some filler: Jayne and Chris skating to Pixie Lott's cover of 'Use Somebody', which may I just say is ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY. And not even in a "don't ever cover that song" sort of way, because this one is lovely. But it's Pixie fucking Lott, taking up valuable airtime with something that belongs on Radio 1, being simpered over by Jo Whiley and/or Fearne Cotton. If she has to be on here, can't she at least have the decency to be plugging a proper single or something? Still, Jayne and Chris's routine is lovely, what we see of it - apparently it is more important that we see numerous closeups of Pixie Lott's face, rather than two experts DANCING ON ICE. I almost want to have Nicky Slater here with me at this point just to clarify what an aberration this is. [Note use of word "almost". - Carrie]

Finally it is over, and we get to see this week's required element: the Pairs Spin, where the couple must - wait for it - spin as a pair. Tricky stuff, this. They must also both be on one leg, and the spin must include at least two revolutions. This requires the couples to work in perfect unison, so I can't wait to see Emily and Fred make a hash of it. Back in the studio, Jayne clarifies that while two is the bare minimum, really they're looking for three. Ooh, harsh.

The Skating Stars are here: Gary and Maria are on first, with the latter having apparently come as Stephanie from LazyTown tonight, then Heather and Matt (whose opening display involves her kneeling on Matt's thigh, but her leg isn't co-operating and they only just manage to get through it), Danny and Frankie, Emily and Fred (and again, even their opening skate-on looks shaky), Mikey and Melanie, Sharron and Pavel, Kieron and Brianne (whose costumes were made from a tube of Refreshers), Hayley and Daniel, Dr Hilary and Alexandra, and finally Danniella and Matthew. It's going to be a long night, isn't it? And to prove that, we're into the first ad break, before any of the celebs have skated yet.

When we return, Phil asks where the show would be without its judges, and the answer is "not in all the papers this week", proving there really is no such thing as bad publicity. Holly introduces the judges, and Jason is wearing something utterly insane once more, with there being some kind of giant button hanging from his neck? I really don't get that man. Holly asks Robin what he's expecting to see this week, and Robin mentions some of the dancers who thought they would be part of the elite last week and were not, so they will be looking to redress the balance this week. He says that the girls have the edge over the boys, who need to "come out and skate like men". I kind of want that as a bumper sticker. [I'll get that for your birthday. - Carrie]

Gary and Maria are on first, and last week Emma told him off for not making the performance all about him. So this week he'll be skating to 'Good Vibrations' in the hope it will give him some personality. Phil's narration says that despite the fun routine, it seems showing off is not in Gary's nature. That's not what I've heard. Gary reiterates that he is just shy and self-conscious, so he's been sent off to talk to Brian Conley, who is currently hoofing it in drag for EIGHT SHOWS A WEEK in Hairspray. Brian asks Gary to sing the song for him, and Gary is too shy to do so. Brian is horrified, and so in a bid to make Gary less self-conscious, they...decide to dress him up as a 22-stone woman. I'm no psychologist, but this seems like a rather flawed strategy to me. Anyway, "Lucy Gary" makes her entrance and flits around the stage, and Brian says that Gary enjoyed the day and the dressing up, so if he can't get over the having to dance ON ICE at this stage, there is no hope for him.

Gary's daughter is in the audience again, holding up a big sign that says "I HEART YOU DADDY" and we get a big close-up of her, just to make sure we haven't missed that he is indeed A FATHER. He does look more relaxed out there this week and is smiling, and it seems to have lent his skating a fluidity I don't remember it having before. It's a confident routine, and the required element goes well. Gubba is sad that Gary did not decide to skate as Edna Turnblad this week. Me too, Gubba. Me too. Scores: Karen 4.0, Nicky 4.0, Jason 3.5, Emma 3.5, Robin 3.5 for a total of 18.5. Gary says to Phil that he probably stayed as a woman. He thanks everyone for taking the opportunity to pull the stick out of his bum, and then he cringes at the fact that he has now been recorded for posterity in drag. I suspect this is not what we should consider total progress on the "get over yourself, butthead" front. Chris says that he was a bit sticky on the toepicks in his crossovers, but otherwise it was a great performance. Bunto says that we're gradually getting to see the real Gary, and HIS LITTLE GIRL IS GOING TO BE VERY PROUD. Nicky is a big fan of Gary's skating, and thought that while it wasn't as clean and assured as it should be, it was going to see him letting go. He wants more progress next week - since Gary is an actor, he needs him to act like a rock star ON (THE) ICE. Robin tells him to get off the toepicks, enjoy it, and "stop making excuses for being good". Phil implores us to vote for Gary, and there's a shot of the audience, including several Hollyoaksers who are here for Kieron: Ricky Whittle, Bronagh Waugh, and Carley Stenson. I don't know whether I should choose to read anything into the fact that Ricky and Carley are sitting apart these days.

More adverts! I will be an old man by the time this is over.

Next up are Heather and Matt, and apparently Heather's struggling with the required element. Last week, Bunto criticised her lack of fluidity, and Heather thought it was her worst performance so far. Heather confesses that the pairs spin has been erratic so far: sometimes she gets it, and sometimes she doesn't. Jayne explains that it requires a lot of control and is all about the timing. Heather thinks she's getting it right 25% of the time, but is determined to get it entirely right on the night. However, during the dress rehearsal, she injures her knee, pulling a hamstring, and has to go for physio.

They skate out, and I swear some total arse is booing her. Their song for this week is 'Chain Of Fools', and involves a lot of head-swivelling at the beginning, that Matt in particular enacts with great sass. Hee. Heather's on her own for a fair bit, and does quite well, although she's still quite slow OVER THE ICE. Thankfully, her required element this time falls into the 25% of times she's got it right. Gubba says it was a better performance than last week, though there was still a point where she seemed to get out of step. Scores: Karen 2.5, Nicky 3.5, Jason 3.0, Emma 3.0, Robin 3.0 for a total of 15.0. Heather and Matt tell Phil they're happy with how it went, and Phil enquires about the fact that now her right leg is giving her trouble. "We've only got one good one left!" Matt quips. Hee. [I love Matt's utter lack of embarrassment and inhibition when it comes to mentioning Heather's leg. Everyone else skirts around it by talking about "your disability. - Carrie] Heather says that Sharon's done a great job with her leg, and that she's torn a meniscus, which she thinks sounds like having beheaded a flower. Heh. She asks Phil how his meniscus is, and he giggles. Jayne thinks Heather has done very well, considering the injury. Heather is also pleased to now have a leg that fits.

Holly is surprised that the lowest score came from Karen, and Karen explains that she took 0.5 off because there was just one rotation on the required element, and she would've loved to score Heather higher otherwise. She does say, however, that Heather improved on last week and that she was impressed that Heather did a spiral on her left leg rather than her right as expected. Jason was impressed with the control she displayed, and that the two of them had a great connection, but he does want her to lift her chin up during her lifts. Robin compliments the two of them on their speed and attack which he thinks may not come across at home. And judging by what I wrote in the paragraph above, it kind of doesn't. Still, the judges liked it, so hooray!

Danny and Frankie are next, and we're reminded that he hit the dreaded skate-off last week. Frankie scolds him for his poor technique, and we flash back to Jason commenting on his poor arms and general technique. Jayne says that this is because he rushes a lot, so as part of his JOURNEY, he is sent off to ballet class to sort out his shoulders and arms. He appears to make considerable progress in a short space of time, and hopes that he can deliver a more elegant routine as a result.

They're skating to 'Tiny Dancer' this week, and the ballet influence is definitely apparent in the routine, though I still think he's making some rather ugly shapes with his arms at times. The required element goes a little bit slowly and seems to bring the routine to a crashing halt when it happens, but otherwise there are some nice moves and some fairly solid skating. Frankie is literally skipping with joy at the end of it. Scores: Karen 3.5, Nicky 4.0, Jason 3.5, Emma 3.0, Robin 3.0, for a total of 17.0. Phil compliments him on his drape lift, and Danny says that he was glad to get it done. Phil says that they could see the concentration on his face - surely that's not a good thing? Frankie says he remembered everything he was taught, that there was a lot of technical content in there, and that the scores don't necessarily reflect that. [Frankie's pissyness is really starting to bug me. - Carrie] Chris says that they were focusing this week on Frankie not telling him what's next as they were going along. "That's why you were concentrating!" deduces Phil.

Nicky explains that he is marking relatively once more (dear lord), and his base mark was Gary, so although his spins were lacking, he did some big lifts very well, and while he's not passing over the ice very well, he's showing more grace, and should continue going to ballet class, because it is really helping. Jason says that it's commendable that he went to ballet class, and he did see an improved arm line, but advises Danny not to show the effort in his face, and to enjoy the lifts so that they become more spectacular.

After yet another sodding ad break, we're back, and it's time to see what Emily and Fred have been up to this week, apart from getting fitted for darling little matching mint-green costumes. Emily recalls being gutted last week when she was bottom of the leaderboard, and she says that she felt that she'd worked very hard and it wasn't enough, so she's got to really push herself to get results. Jayne says that this week is critical for Emily, and Chris adds that she needs to prove she's a confident skater. Fred says that Emily has been skating on her own all week, and that she's now better on her own than some of the other skaters, and he is sick of the judges not recognising that. Chris says that as a result of that, Emily has been given "a little bit of solo work by herself" (as opposed to...?) and Emily says she really wants to prove to the judges this week that she can skate just as well as everyone else, because she doesn't want to be bottom again.

They're skating to 'The Sweet Escape', and it's quite a fun routine to watch, with lots of comedy face-pulling, and indeed Emily is skating well on her own at this point. They incorporate some awesome lifts, including one where Emily wraps her arms around Fred's neck and he holds her up by her blades. Scores: Karen 3.0, Nicky 3.0, Jason 3.0, Emma 3.0, Robin 3.0 for a total of 15.0. Emily is absolutely beside herself, and squeaks about how amazing that feels. She tells Phil that when you're competing against so many amazing skaters, you realise how hard you have to work, and Fred says that her experiences last week affected her in a good way. Bunto says she was pleasantly surprised this week because Emily looked confident and sexy out there, and then takes all the credit for Emily's improvement as a result of their "constructive criticism". Like "you made me feel sick", you mean? Nicky says that there's more to come from her, but this is a big step forward. He wants her to sell a story, and then her marks will go up higher. Jason says this was her best week, but she still needs to watch her arms because there's no development in them, and says that she lost the story doing some of the more technical stuff. He also says to watch her jaw - "have you got an underbite?" Everyone boos this, even though it's not a rude question in and of itself, and Emily says that she has big teeth, and Jason tells her to be wary of clenching her jaw.

So, who's next? Mikey and Melanie. Last week he was the top scorer amongst the boys, but Mikey's aware that he can't rest on that, and now they have a new mountain to climb. Chris explains that this week's song, 'River Of Dreams', has a gospel feel to it, and that learning a new routine is like starting all over again, and it feels like swimming against the tide. Mikey admits that he's fed up of falling and being in so much pain - he's sore all over and it's a lot of effort. Chris thinks Mikey has hit a wall, physically. [To clarify: not an ACTUAL wall. Though that would indeed cause bruises and soreness. - Carrie] To add injury to further injury, Mikey falls over during the dress rehearsal: he says it's a tricky routine, so he's really got his work cut out this week.

There are a lot of cross-steps in the routine, which do seem rather cumbersome, though Mikey copes pretty well. There are some stumbles in the middle of the programme, however, which I presume will dock him a few points, and his pairs spin is a little bit on the wobbly side. Still, not a bad performance, all things considered. Scores: Karen 3.5, Nicky 3.5, Jason 3.0, Emma 3.5, Robin 2.5 for a total of 15.0. Ooh, ouch. Melanie pulls a face. Mikey says that you can't get it spot on every week, and he's happy with the score. Phil says that he thinks Mikey stumbled because he was being so challenged by a tricky routine. Chris says that Mikey had a breakthrough last week and a breakdown in the middle of this week, and he's not sure people appreciate how much effort the celebs have to put in. Robin says that his footwork needs to be right, and at the moment he's not crossing over quite properly, and while it was close to what Danny was doing, it wasn't as well-executed as Danny's, or indeed as Emily's, and since they both got 3.0, Robin had no choice but to give him a lower score. Holly asks the very valid question: surely being marked down for pushing yourself will encourage the celebs to stick to simplistic routines that they know they can do? Robin says that it's great for them to push themselves, but they need to recognise when things aren't working and changing them to make them work. He thinks that, like Gary, Mikey needs to stop convincing himself he's not as good as he actually is. Karen adds that it's not that Mikey can't do it, he's just inconsistent right now - this is just a blip.

Halfway leaderboard: Gary and Maria at the top, Danny and Frankie second, and everyone else tying for third. Ooh, interesting. Phil assures us that our votes do make a difference, with Danny and Emily cited as living proof.

Another bloody ad break.

Phil's in the audience, standing just in front of Jake Wood from EastEnders, but he's more interested in chatting to Gary Lineker. Phil tries to get David Seaman to talk Gary into taking part next year. Time for Sharron and Pavel, who were used to being in the skate-off, but then things turned around last week and they were saved, which they are both very pleased about. Chris says that Sharron's attitude was very different as a result, and she was in a much happier place. Therefore, they want to take advantage of her renewed enthusiasm and push her even further. They're dancing to 'Fast Car', which Sharron approves of, and which Jayne hopes will help Sharron to be graceful. Pavel demonstrates to Sharon how to to move elegantly, in one of those classic professional dancer "this is not the same as THAT"-type conversations.

The song starts, and apparently Mutya Buena has covered it, because that's the version they're using. WHY? What is wrong with the original? Soundtrack dissonance aside, I think this is Sharron's strongest routine so far - the skating is much more fluid, her arms have improved, and she genuinely seems more at home on the ice now. Scores: Karen 3.5, Nicky 4.0, Jason 3.0, Emma 3.0, Robin 3.0 for a total of 16.5 - her highest score so far. Sharron is pleased that she is "less tree-like" now and says that she's having so much fun and doesn't want to go home now. Pavel says that her performance shows how a good attitude pays off. Jayne says that she worked really hard this week, and her general skating and gracefulness have improved. Nicky says that they are a tall couple and therefore they have presence ON THE ICE. He thinks that her arm movements still need work, and recommends ballet class for her as well (is he on commission?) but is pleased with her improvement. Jason says that a week can make a lot of difference, and he saw real grace this week, and an improved leg line. Her upper body still needs work (BOOOOO), so she needs to learn to extend beyond herself, "even though you are rather large". Sharron wonders if she just looks large because Jason is very small. Heh.

Kieron and Brianne are next. Last week he was disappointed that his scores were going in the wrong direction, even though he's working just as hard as everyone else. They've got 'Pencil Full Of Lead' by Paolo Nutini this week, and Kieron has to start the routine on his own to prove he can hold his own without being overshadowed by Brianne. "You've got it so easy this week," he tells her. There will be jazz hands in this week's routine, it seems. But when will we get SPIRIT FINGERS? That's what I want to know. Brianne thinks all the attention may go to his head and promises to bring him back down to earth. They are quite cute together actually, these two.

Their routine is another sassy, fun one, and credit to both of them that neither one bats an eyelid when the music cuts out for a few seconds (unless that was a broadcast problem rather than a studio problem). There are indeed jazz hands aplenty, and a lot of energy, and a fun move near the end where Kieron picks Brianne up and she slides through his legs as he skates over her. Gubba confirms that it was indeed a sound problem in the studio, and compliments Kieron for keeping going, before noting that he looks like he's "just broken out of Toytown jail". Scores: Karen 3.0, Nicky 3.5, Jason 3.0, Emma 3.0, Robin 3.5 for a total of 16.0. They're going back up, Phil points out. Kieron explains that Brianne was sick this week, so he took charge AS A MAN and told her what to do. Is that really appropriate? Brianne confirms that he has been a leading man. Kieron says that each week he's feeling more confident, and he hopes he's selling it with his face. Chris compliments him on keeping going during the glitch, like he didn't even hear it; Kieron confesses that at first he thought he'd done something wrong and that's why they'd stopped the music. Aww.

Robin says that he's more natural when he has music he can connect to, and it felt like Kieron wanted to be there, and as a result it was a much better performance. Bunto says that Kieron makes her smile, and she loves that he's skating independently - some of his dance moves are a little bit awkward, and she thought the glitch threw him slightly, but the fact that he carried on proves how good at this he's become.

Yet more adverts. I'm starting to think that this series is responsible for about 80% of ITV's advertising revenue.

When we return, it's time for Hayley, who, lest we forget, is attempting the headbanger this week. Their '70s routine last week earned them 23.0 and a lot of praise from Jason. Daniel says that it's important for them to keep raising the bar and thus: the headbanger. We see Suzanne and Matt doing it amazingly, and then Roxanne and Daniel doing it less so, and Hayley says that this was her one biggest fear that she didn't want to do. (Interesting fact that I learned on Dancing On Ice Friday - if Hayley had refused to do it, then Danniella would've had it in her programme instead.) To try to coax Hayley into doing it, Dan shows her it with Jayne - who has also never done the headbanger before. Hayley recoils in horror, and gets a bit tearful, before apologising for being a baby. She dons the Roxanne Pallett memorial crash helmet, and they rehearse it. She says that they're doing it one a day, because it's scary and it hurts. We even see a Dan's-eye-view of the move, and it's only when you see it like that that I think you truly appreciate how much it must make you want to hurl. Hayley says that she knows she's in safe hands with Dan, and has her fingers crossed.

They're skating to 'Just Dance' by Dame GaGa, and Hayley's doing a good job of hiding her nerves. I guess the actress in her takes over at this point. An initially promising-looking routine goes awry when during one of the lifts, there's a fall - I don't know whose fault it was because the camera was too far away, but they both tumble rather inelegantly to the floor, which brings it all to a halt. However, they're up and off again as soon as they can be, and the routine continues effectively. It is my sad duty to report that Hayley begins the headbanger from the floor like Roxanne did, rather than from a standing position like Suzanne did, but it's a pretty decent effort, nonetheless. Hayley looks rather shaken at the end, bless her. Gubba attempts to blame the fall on the fact that she was afraid of the upcoming headbanger, which: um, sure? He says that this week's been a horror movie for her: Nightmare on Elstree. Groan. Scores: Karen 4.5, Nicky 4.5, Jason 4.0, Emma 4.0, Robin 4.0 for a total of 21.0. Hayley shows Phil a bit of blood on her elbow and assures him she's fine. Hayley says that she banged her head, just not in the headbanger. Heh. Daniel says that Hayley's so brave, and he didn't even need to ask her if she still wanted to do it. He says that she's very brave to have carried on because a lot of professionals would've found that hard, and takes full responsibility for the fall, saying that he hit something (possibly a sequin - occupational hazard!) on the ice. [Surely you mean ON THE ICE? - Carrie] Chris says that they're so well polished, and that if they make a mistake, they just get back on up - they gave a strong performance even with the fall. Karen says it wasn't great to see the fall, and she docked them 0.5 for it, but the quality of the rest was excellent - there was so much that was good about it. Robin took a whole point off for the fall ("0.5 for each of you" - what? Sorry, Robin, I love you, but you're not making much sense this week), but the rest was absolutely sensational, and he reckons that in a few weeks time she'll be able to do the headbanger with the proper take-off and ending. Phil asks Hayley if she wants to up off and have a good old cry, and she nods, so he promises to get through the next bit quickly. Hee.

Dr Hilary and Alexandra are the next ones on, and he was pleased to be told he was improving last week, however slowly. Jayne thinks that his confidence has grown, and Hilary says that there are a lot of tricky new bits this week - particularly the spin, "which I think makes me a spin doctor". Theirs is right at the start of the programme, and Alexandra is worried that if it goes wrong, it will ruin a large part of their performance. Chris says that they're having trouble maintaining the speed, and Dr Hilary says that all the things he needs to sort out about the performance are making it quite difficult. After some more tiresome doctor-based puns, we're outta there.

They're skating to 'Truly Madly Deeply' and start off at opposite ends of the ice. The pairs spin goes well, if slowly, and they carry on with the routine, which involves a lot of lifts, some more successful than others - there are definitely areas where you can see the joins, as it were. Gubba says that the speed is like an NHS waiting list, and boy, can I relate to that one. Scores: Karen 2.0, Nicky 2.5, Jason 2.0, Emma 2.5, Robin 2.5 for a total of 11.5. The audience boo, naturally. Dr Hilary says he has a long way to go, but he's progressing every week and having a lot of positive feedback from the public. Jayne says each week they see a little improvement, so onwards and upwards. Jason is despondent, and says that what is missing from the performance in particular is that he's so stiff (that's not what's missing, Jason, that's what's present), and that there's so little content - it's basically the same routines set to different music. Karen says there is improvement and it was his best routine, but the spin was only just over one rotation so he lost marks on that. Bunto says he's doing it for the dads out there (sigh) and he's sturdy - at which point Robin and Jason shout her down, and rightly so. She says that everyone else is miles ahead of him, but he's doing a good job and should be proud all the same.

After a competition which pains me due to several apostrophes that should be listed in the multiple choice answers and are not, and another sodding ad break, it's time for the final couple of the night, Danniella and Matthew. Her '70s routine got good reviews last week, and this week they're doing a tango to Debelah Morgan's 'Dance With Me'. Rehearsals go slowly, with Danniella admitting it's a mess, so Chris and Jayne send her to "ballroom and tango expert" Kelly Baker. Matthew wants them to be able to show that they have more sides to their personalities than they've been able to show so far.

It's a great routine to watch, with some quite complicated steps and lefts involved, and I'm impressed with how much Danniella's improved in the past couple of weeks. They have a very slight wobble towards the end, but aside from that, it's one of my favourite routines of the night. Scores: Karen 4.0, Nicky 4.5, Jason 3.5, Emma 4.0, Robin 4.0 for a total of 20.0. Danniella admits she was "squeezing everything" to stay upright at the end. She thinks it could've been better, but she's happy with the way it went. Matthew too is happy, and thinks that it's been a challenging week for both of them. Jayne thinks they did it justice, and Chris thinks Danniella is a great competitor. Bunto says that the tango is one of her favourite dances, and Danniella delivered for the most part - it needed more attack in places, and to be a bit sexier, but Danniella always gives a strong performance. Robin agrees - more attitude would have been good, but they've seen a completely different side to them as a couple.

That's it! (Thank GOD.) Final leaderboard: Hayley and Daniel in first, Danniella and Matthew second, Gary and Marie third, Danny and Frankie fourth, Sharron and Pavel fifth, Kieron and Brianne sixth, then a three way tie between Heather and Matt, Emily and Fred and Mikey and Melanie, and then Dr Hilary and Alexandra at the bottom again. The lines open, and we get a video recap, but quite honestly, this show is long enough as it is, and I said everything I had to say about dancing ON ICE the first time around, so let's just skip past that, shall we? After a final recap of the voting numbers and a reminder to return after Wild at Heart, there's one more round of applause for the contestants, and we're done!

The Skate-Off

So, earlier, ten couples danced ON ICE for our votes, but one of them must leave the ice for good at the end of tonight's show. Gosh, who will it be? Hell, as long as it makes subsequent shows come in under the two-hour mark, I DON'T CARE.

Phil confirms that the lines have now closed, but before we get any further in the proceedings, Fucking Pixie Fucking Lott is back again. Seriously, TWO PERFORMANCES? Whom did I offend in order to wreak such hell upon myself? This isn't even a new fucking single either. WHY MUST WE SIT THROUGH THIS? WHY? WHY? Fuck this, I'm skipping right to the bloody end.

Time for a recap of what happened earlier: Gary and Maria got improved reviews this week, and he really enjoyed himself. Heather and Matt got one mark knocked off by Karen for not doing two revolutions in their required element, a fact that Heather disputes, but Karen is adamant. Danny went to ballet class and improved a bit, and he thinks that being in the skate-off was a much-needed kick up the bum. Emily and Fred finally moved up the leaderboard, a little bit, and Emily is thrilled. Fred, as ever, is entirely uninterested. Mikey disappointed a little with his inconsistency, and he feels that Karen was right to say that. Sharron and Pavel were TALL and PRESENT, and Sharron is finally starting to feel graceful. Kieron was in control and leading Brianne, though he admits to having been shaking. Heather and Daniel fell over but got back up again, and Dan kisses her backstage for getting up and carrying on. Bunto thought Dr Hilary was sturdy, but no one else agreed, though he thinks he's making progress every day, and Danniella and Matthew tangoed with attitude, though possibly not enough, and had a thoroughly ripping time. Hurrah!

Holly's with the judges for final words, asking for clarification on Heather and Matt's turns. Robin says that they all have their own opinions, and having reviewed the tape, they feel it was only one rotation that was clean and on one foot. Robin's off for two weeks to do the Winter Olympics (commentating, not competing), so we'll be having a guest judge, who will be revealed on Dancing On Ice Friday. Please let it be Ruthie Henshall!!!!!!!!11111!!!! [Oh, WAIL. I miss Head Judge Robin Cousins already. Presumably it'll have to be a skater? - Carrie]

We're back with Phil, and the results are in. *touches ear*. The couples revealed as safe, in no particular order, are: Danniella and Matthew, Gary and Maria, Hayley and Daniel, Dr Hilary and Alexandra, Danny and Frankie, Sharron and Pavel, and then, in a break with tradition, we go to the ad break with four couples awaiting their fate. Just when I was whinging about how predictable this series is earlier in the week, as well. That's me told.

After the ads, it's time to find out which two couples are still guaranteed to return next week. They are: Emily and Fred and Mikey and Melanie, leaving Heather and Matt and Kieron and Brianne squaring off against each other in the skate-off. Heather is SO going home, isn't she? Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. Holly points out that there's only a point separating them, making this "the closest it's ever been". Well, in a series that has so far spanned five weeks, yes. First out are Heather and Matt. There are supportive cheers for Heather, and they're both giving it a bit more sass than they did the first time around. It looks cleaner and more energetic, though I guess there might still be a quibble about whether they managed two clean rotations in the required element, as it looks like Heather puts her foot down just a smidge too quickly. Heather says that she can't even believe she's still here in week five, and thanks everyone for their support. Phil reminds her that she's not even gone yet, and she says that she's on her way out though, because Kieron is amazing and should totally stay in. Bless. I'm going to miss her crazy ass. I've actually found her really likeable on this show.

Kieron and Brianne come back out, and if his confidence is as shaken by being in the bottom two as I suspect it might be, he isn't showing it - if anything, he's giving it even more attack this time around. I would think it's very unlikely he'll be going home after that. Chris says that both contestants gave great performances and it's really hard to call. Kieron says it's all a bit of a blur, but if he goes now, he's had an amazing time.

Everyone heads back onto the ice to decide who gets to come back this week: Karen says it couldn't be closer, but votes for Kieron. Nicky opts to save Heather. Jason says that they were two very dynamic performances, but votes to save Kieron. Bunto thought they'd both come a long way, but votes to save Kieron. It's academic, of course, but Robin voted for Kieron, so he's back next week, and Heather's gone. There are consolatory kisses, and as Heather's VT starts, my recording cuts out because tonight's show overran by several minutes, and ITV Player haven't put the show up yet, so I'm afraid I'll have to come back and edit the last couple of minutes in later, but in the meantime, dear ITV: fucking sort it out, love and kisses from Steven.

EDIT: Right, now it's up, so to continue from where we left off: Heather's best bits (Heather, pointing at her tits: "What, these?" And that's one of the many reasons why I love her) shows lots of people being amazed at the fact that she can do...well, anything at all, it seems. There's a segment I don't remember seeing before where Heather's kneeling on Matt and he pointedly informs her "that's my goolies" (hee!), and two impressive early performances, let down by two slightly less impressive later ones. Back in the studio, Heather says that she's just pleased for all the kids who've lost limbs and have been in touch with her to say that they're now going to have a go at skating, and to get in touch if anyone wants some help from her and Matt. And really, I'm sure people will knock her, but as reasons for competing in the show go, I'll take that over "making my kids proud of me" any day of the week. Heather and Matt go out for their lap of honour, and we're done. There's a Valentine's Day special next week, which should be interesting. Carrie will be here with all the details in a week's time...


ros said...

I think your edited paragraph has come in the wrong place...

Livilla said...

Haven't read the whole thing yet, but God, I fucking hate live music performances on this show. The camera work SUCKS. No one's watching for some slapper we haven't heard of in Australia!

Steve said...

ros - Yep, dunno how that happened - could swear it was in the right place when I hit "publish"! Thanks for flagging it up, it should be fixed now.

Livilla - I'm starting to agree with you. It's not even as if I have anything specific against Pixie Lott, I just really don't need to see her TWICE in a show that's far too long already.

ht said...

Seriously WHO is voting for Dr Hilary? He'd be a fine addition to the medical team for the show (Lord knows they have enough accidents) but he is as notfamous as Emily, and as dull as ditchwater.

Also completely concur with Pixie Lott comments - that cover version was an atrocity, so in protest I refused to watch the results show.

Livilla said...

Steve - I'd only vaguely heard of her, so I had no opinion either way, really. I just have to download the show if I want to see any of it, so I'd rather not have useless bits. And I definitely watch for T&D, not anyone else.

Although, I have to say after finally having watched the opening, that we definitely saw more skating than we did with that awful Girls Aloud performance.