Sunday, 12 February 2012

Love hurts

"Love Week" (*boak*): 12th February 2012

Hello! It's nearly Valentine's Day, and therefore we're going to get all schmoopy ON ICE tonight. We open up with a recap of last week, in which Matthew admits he didn't do his best last week, while Jorgie topped the leaderboard much to her surprise. Sam and Alexandra ended up in the skate-off with Charlene and Matt, and the latter couple went home, regrettably. Tonight! It's all about love. And lifts, and gurning, if the pre-show VT is anything to go by. Jennifer thinks she needs to go for it, while Sam vows to give his best performance ever. Let's see if that works out for them, shall we?

Titles. These really are quite dull.

'You're The First, The Last, My Everything' plays as Phil and Christine arrive, having a little boogie, and actually looking like they're enjoying themselves, for a nice change. That's the power of Barry White, folks. Phil fingers a Cupid statue and welcomes us to the show, as Christine explains that the remaining couples will be performing to some of the greatest love songs ever. Phil tells us that it's 28 years since Jayne and Chris won gold at the Olympics, so there'll be a routine to celebrate that later, but first, let's meet those skating "stars".

First up are Matthew and Nina in black and sequins, followed by Heidi and Andrei-still-not-Sylvain, Chico and Jodeyne, Chemmy and Sean (in gold lamé that does neither of them any favours), Andy and Vicky, Jorgie and Lovely Matt (whose tattoo that so upset me last week by still being present despite his actual costume not needing one has now vanished - so, was it henna or something? I'm SO CONFUSED), Rosemary and Mark, Sam and Alexandra, Sébastien and Brianne, Jenny Elly and Dan, and of course Jayne and Chris. I always feel like introducing Jayne and Chris at the same time as the contestants is a bit of a mistake. One of these days the audience is just going to get confused and try to vote them off.

Christine suggests that it's a good idea to get things underway, and I agree. First up are Matt and Nina, who got great reviews from Dance last week but left Katarina slightly disappointed and Robin somewhere in the middle. Matthew thinks he let himself down a bit and is generally a bit disappointed with himself, so he's determined to live up to Katarina's expectations this week. Chris says that Matthew needs to get all his footwork right this week, and Matthew explains that this week's routine is very dancey and skatey (on this show? Well I never!) and that Jayne and Chris are raising the bar for everyone. Even Nina is pushing him hard to think like a skater, and Matthew vows not to slip backwards.

They're skating to 'Everything' by Mickey Bubbles, and the routine is a bit static to begin with but soon progresses into a rather smooth and enjoyable routine. There's a reverse double stag lift that seems to go slightly wrong as Nina's skirt gets caught in her arm, and then a nice little knee-slide as they spin around together as if proposing to each other. Gubba declares it "very nice" but wonders out loud if they are pushing the boundaries. Scores: Dance 7.0, Robin 7.5, Katarina 7.5 for a total of 22.0. Phil asks if Matthew's happy with those scores this week, and Matthew declares himself "chuffed to bits". He says that Nina knew how upset he was with himself, so she was deliberately tough with him this week. Chris says that Matthew puts the highest expectations on himself, but he delivered a sophisticated routine, and that Matthew is now an ice dancer, judging by that display.

Christine reminds Katarina that she scored Matthew a whole point lower last week, and Katarina tells Matthew he looked like a figure skater today, and that he's back to his comfort zone and his confidence - he looked free and had smooth transitions. Dance says it "flowed lovely" and says that he likes to see beautiful arms, and would've liked a bit more extension at the beginning - he doesn't feel it was as good as last week, though it was still good. Robin understands this, but likes that it was natural movement rather than contrived movement, and was pleased to see him relax and just skate rather than push himself too hard.

Time for some ads. Featuring Disney ON ICE, appropriately enough.

When we return, Christine asks Phil how many Valentine cards he got last year, and he says he got 55 indecent ones from the Loose Women - mainly Denise Welch. Charming. There's a bizarre bit of business about the Cupid statue chasing after Chemmy, and then we go into their VT, as Chemmy reflects on her highest score to date from last week's show. We're reminded that Dance wanted to see a better quality of dance, and Chemmy says that she has her own style of dancing that the world probably doesn't appreciate. She's got 'I'm Into You' by Jennifer Lopez as her song, and is fretting a bit about trying to exude that J-Lo sex appeal. Chris encourages her to try and add some finesse to her dancing, but this proves to be a struggle - so some ladies come in to give Chemmy a crash course in the samba. These ladies must be very cold in their skimpy salsa costumes ON ICE. Chemmy gets the seal of approval from the salsa ladies, and says she's definitely feeling more sexy now. I hope you all were taking notes, people who don't feel sexy. That's how you fix it, apparently.

Chemmy begins with a few ripples and then launches herself at Sean to begin a fairly athletic routine that includes her leaping up onto his shoulder and also doing balancing one foot between his legs while extending the other behind his head - something which I imagine could be very nasty if it went wrong. They end with some upside down aeroplane moves and rolling around on the ice. Filth. Gubba: "She's got so much metal in her body from a ski accident, it's a surprise she hasn't been nicked for scrap." That's lovely, Gubba. Really. Scores: Dance 5.0, Robin 6.5, Katarina 7.0 for a total of 18.5. Chemmy tells Phil this is the sexiest she's been in her whole life, and it's a shame it was with Sean and not with her boyfriend. She adds that the whole routine was leading with her right leg, which she couldn't have done a month ago because of her injury, and thanks Jayne and Chris for helping her rehabilitation. Sean says they've been having a great time, even having a CIDER together this week. You'd never get away with that sort of debauchery on the BBC, would you? Jayne says this was the greatest performance Chemmy's done to date, and Chris says that she even improvised at the end.

Christine asks Dance what gives, and he says that while she is a sexy lady, he feels the dancing could've been sexier, and he felt she was holding back. He wants her to be softer in the movement, and needs to find light and shade. Robin also wants less aggression - he was worried she was going to be all over the place, but she came out and had finessed her routine. He thinks she's going in the right direction. Katarina thinks the elements were very well done, especially the last lift, but that the jump into Sean's arms was a little bit more aggressive, and advises Chemmy to be a bit more gentle if she has a date on Tuesday. Ha! Katarina ownage. Phil tells Chemmy that people using the pointless app scored her a 7, and shills the pointless app a bit more, despite it being pointless.

More ads. Who are these people who apparently got a good deal for their vehicles on They offered me about £3.50 when I tried to get a quote off them.

When we return, Christine's with Karen for a bit of boring filler. Karen says that the pros are supportive and encouraging, and Christine seems not to really care. I can relate. Then she turns to Chico, who admits to feeling a bit tense, but says he's going to try to bring some old school romance "with a bit of Chico sprinkle." Ew. Christine says that she loves a bit of Chico sprinkle. Does Frank know? Matthew tells us again that he was happier with his performance this week. That was useful. Then Christine is forced to deliver an appalling joke that I won't repeat in order to introduce Andy and Vicky.

Chris says he was very impressed with Andy's performance last week. Andy will be skating to 'Let's Get It On' this week, and that he has some tongue-in-cheek choreography, playing a sleazy character. Jayne says that while the routine might be silly, the skating is now and always will be SRS BSNS. Vicky laughs at Andy trying to be a casanova, which he finds rather offputting. She hopes she will be able to keep it together on the night.

They skate on, with him holding a rose (not between his teeth, disappointingly), and he opens by lip-synching to her like this is RuPaul's Drag Race. Which, incidentally, I would far rather be watching right now. They take to the ice confidently and get a lot of whoops and applause from the audience for their trouble. Vicky manages not to laugh. Andy's skating is still a bit laboured, but he's coming along well enough. Gubba likes Andy to Pepe LePew, which I'm sure is yet another glorious boost to Andy's self-esteem. Scores: Dance 5.5, Robin 5.5, Katarina 6.5 for a total of 17.5. It's the same as last week, and Andy says he's happy with that. Phil asks him if he's in touch with his romantic side. "Maybe," says Andy. Chris apologies for being skeezy in the VT, and says that Andy takes all the humorous stuff in good spirit, but his skating is getting better and better. Andy says he feels he's "improving slightly".

Robin says that he is a character, and he is "nice", but he needs to get some power now and take it to the next level, because he's stronger than he thinks. Katarina says that one of the biggest gifts for a man is to make a woman laugh, so Andy should keep that up. She thinks it was a great performance, and really enjoyed it. Dance says that Andy is always funny, but he would've liked more romance and passion. He agrees with Robin that he wants it to be less safe. Dance and Andy sass each other a bit back and forth, and it's surprisingly not-annoying because it's genuinely good-natured on both sides.

Now it's time for Heidi and Andrei, who skated to BLOODY JESSIE J last week and achieved a personal best score. Heidi thinks there are no weak skaters left and everyone's improving, so she needs to up her game. She's got the insipid tea-shilling ballad version of 'Wherever You Will Go' (not that the original is much better, admittedly) and says that she's a total hopeless romantic. Jayne warns that you're very exposed with a slow song because every little position is noticed. She's doing a sit-lift this week and is worried about it because she's so high. She worries when Andrei can't get her up (fnar) and she wobbles. Maybe she's worried that she'll break him like she BROKE SYLVAIN. Karen says that the more Heidi tried the routine and thought about it, the less she could do it. Heidi hopes it will all come together on the night, as it generally does on this show.

The wind machine is on full blast for this routine and as usual, Heidi's being dragged around the rink by Andrei, although she's moving more gracefully in general. You can see the sit-lift tension written all over her face, though. The sit-lift happens, and she's wobbly as hell, but gets a massive cheer for it, anyway. Then, strangely, she falls over on a bit where she didn't even really have to do anything. It's such an odd little fall - just sort of onto one knee and looking all guilty, and then back up again. Scores: Dance 5.0, Robin 4.5, Katarina 4.5 for a total of 14.0. Heidi says she feels really shaken and disappointed because she loves this routine and the song, and she thought this would be her best one. Andrei tells her it's not over yet. Phil apologises to anyone who was lip-reading tonight. Heidi: "I said 'sugar'! I stopped myself halfway through!" Heh. Chris and Jayne blame the fall on the toepicks and say it happens to anyone.

Dance says that he was pleased to see that lift in because it meant she wasn't playing it safe any more - he's disappointed that she fell, but he wants to see more aggression from her. Basically he wants her and Chemmy to try and pick up a bit of each other's strengths. Robin says that there was much more content in this routine, even if it didn't all work, and she shouldn't get despondent. Katarina tells Heidi that she's beautiful and has a great partner, but she doesn't feel the chemistry between them, and she wants more storytelling in the eyes, because she doesn't believe it at the moment. "Well, that's a shame," says Phil. Apparently she got sixes from all the people using the app, as if that matters in any way.

More ads. I'm really rooting for John and Moira in Emmerdale, you guys. I just think they can make it.

When we return, it's time for the Jayne and Chris anniversary performance, which involves giant hankies being suspended from the ceiling while 'With Or Without You' has all the life sucked out of it by Scala and the Kolacny Brothers. The giant hankies start to look super awkward as Jayne supports herself in them while clinging on to Chris, and...yeah. You can kind of tell that it's not a BIG anniversary this year, can't you?

Up next are Jennifer and Daniel, still here even though no one actually seems to want to admit to liking them. Jennifer is worried that she's slipping down the leaderboard, and says that she still can't quite shed the nerves. She says that her best performances are when she's up north training when no one's watching, but when she steps into the studio, she goes to bits. So Dan has a plot up his sleeve: he's going to make her rehearse on a public rink in front of lots of people. I bet all the people who paid to skate are just thrilled about that. Jennifer says that she just needs to get rid of all those nerves, as the poor fee-paying public applaud them from the sides.

They're skating to 'Fever' and this week's performance is very sultry. She does seem to be a little bit more into it, although the sexy faces she insists on making right into the camera are a little bit unnerving. She does an assisted backflip and ends with a kiss spin, apparently. I didn't even notice this until the second watch through, but as soon as they're finished, they get up and Dan puts his hand on Jennifer's head as they skate over to the kiss-and-cry, and he's clearly beckoning Jayne and Chris over frantically. Meanwhile, Gubba perves about how great Jennifer looks in her costume. Strangely, we don't get scores, just a rather sober cut back to Phil, who tells us that Jennifer's head was injured during that last routine. Chris says that Jennifer does a move where she arches back and "she's got such a big arch" (heh) that she hit her own head with the blade. Dan arrives to explain that in the scorpion kick when she was kicking her foot back, she caught herself in the head with her blade. He runs off to check on her again, and Phil asks for the scores. Scores: Dance 7.5, Robin 5.5, Katarina 6.0 for a total of 19.0. It's all very awkward, and Christine doesn't quite know what to do. Robin says that Katarina actually pointed out in rehearsal how careful Jennifer needed to be in that move, and that people forget that your skates make your feet the heaviest part of your body. He says that she was very flexible and a fantastic performer, but very little skating skill being shown.

Adverts. When that guy in the Kinder Bueno advert whines "come on, girls!", does anyone else want to burst into the intro to Madonna's 'Express Yourself', or is it just me?

When we return, Christine is with Karen to find out what's up with Jennifer. Karen says that this just emphasises how dangerous ice skating is and how sharp the blades are, and the adrenaline just went a bit too far tonight. Dan says that Jennifer's backstage getting patched up, and the good news is she's going to be okay. He says he saw some contact, but he thought it was the leather of the skate, but when he put her down after the split he saw the top of her head was just red. Christine is amazed that she carried on, and Dan says she's a trouper because she wanted to finish, and delivered her best routine so far.

Up next are Chico and Jodeyne. Chris congratulates him on a job well done last week, and Chico is pleased that Dance wants to see more from him. This week, Jayne and Chris are determined to push him further by giving him a ballet lift, which is basically like a press in bodybuilding. He's the first celeb to have to do this in this year's competition, and they work through it slowly in rehearsals. Jodeyne says that it's important for him to stay stable, because she's, y'know, being HELD OVER HIS HEAD. Chico hopes that if he gets this right, he'll be up there with Matthew. He doesn't mention Jorgie, though I suppose she's just a wee thing who is lifted rather than lifts.

They're skating to 'L.O.V.E.' and it's smarmy as hell, but pretty well skated. The lift goes off well, and Chico barely bats an eyelid. There seems to be a bit near the end where jodeyne nearly stumbles, but they manage to work it all out and get where they have to be while remaining upright, so well done to both of them. Gubba talks about Chico and Jodeyne's secret code regarding lifts. Scores: Dance 8.5, Robin 7.0, Katarina 7.5 for a total of 23.0 - the highest score of the night and a personal best for Chico. He says he's had sleepless nights about the lift, but when he lifted up Jodeyne above his head, he felt like Bobby Moore in 1966 with her as the World Cup. Another hugely flattering allusion. Phil asks Jayne if big scores depend on big stunts. Jayne's like "duh, yes" but says that all the solo skating that he did was even more impressive.

Dance tells Chico it was the best performance of the night so far, and Chico always acts out the song as well as dancing it. He says that it was a really difficult lift with a lot of strength, but Chico is just effortless to watch. Katarina thought the lift was seamless and subtle, and thought the whole performance engaged with his partner - he's been doing that from the first show on, and getting better. Robin says that they have to remember it's not just about the lifts but the whole performance, and this was spot-on and not the cheesefest it could've been. Right-o.

Next we have Rosemary and Mark. Last week she got a decent score, but divided the judges, with Dance calling her boring. Rosemary says that some of Dance's criticisms were fair, so she wants to work on them. She'll be skating to 'I'll Stand By You', but Chris warns that it will have some attack, despite being a ballad. Mark takes her off to meet some hockey players in an effort to get Rosemary moving more speedily. Rosemary gets all padded up in the hockey gear and looks ridiculous. Then they play hockey, and Rosemary scores and falls over. As you do.

Rosemary starts solo and makes her way over to Mark - still fairly slow, but I guess she's fairly restricted by the tempo of the song. Some of the skating is still a bit aesthetically unappealing, but she does seem to be coming along quite well, even if she ends a fair bit after the music does, which is one of my biggest pet peeves on this show. Gubba reminds us that Rosemary is OLD. Thanks for that, Gubba. Scores: Dance 5.0, Robin 5.0, Katarina 5.5 for a total of 15.5. Rosemary says she's happy with that. Phil asks if the skating training helped, and Rosemary says it did, because it was nice to be able to get on the ice again without all that clobber. Hmm. I'm not sure you'd have got much of a different response if you'd just not bothered to do the hockey stuff, to be honest. Phil tells her that she is the OLDEST contestant to make it this far. Chris says that they wanted her to show more steps and speed this evening, and they think she did.

Robin thinks she's moving in the right direction - though there was more speed and more steps, she's still being led by Mark. He worries that she's going to run the risk of all her routines looking the same because people won't see the "subtle changes". Dance says he wants to see her "let rip", as he said a few weeks ago, and while there was more content this week, he wants more power and pizazz out of her. He trots out the whole "I want to look that good at your age" thing again. Katarina is asked to be brief, again (poor Katarina), and says that Rosemary is crunching up her shoulders, and needs to open up and show us her love for skating. It's funny, just take out the word "skating" and you have something very similar to the words that were spoken shortly before I lost my virginity.

Ads. These Macleans bumpers continue to be annoying.

Phil tells us that Jennifer's still in recovery, but should be out later. Up next are Sam and Alexandra, and Sam recalls his near-miss in last week's skate-off. He tries to resolve that it's a good thing to have been through that. This week he's got a very technical routine, with a counter lift and a lot of steps. Phil says that Sam (and Mark's) BUSY WORK SCHEDULE has taken him to Glasgow, so Alexandra has had to fly up to join him. They start training at 6.10am one day because they're fitting in the training whenever they can. Sam thinks this could potentially be his best routine to date, although to be fair everyone could say that every week and not necessarily be wrong.

They're skating to 'Just The Way You Are' and the routine ends with miming spray painting a heart onto the ice. Why? I dunno. I suspect Dean. The counter lift looks extremely strained with Sam gritting his teeth, though the steps in the middle of the routine are cleanly executed. There's some nice partner work with Alexandra towards the end, and the lift where he kind of flings her across the ice goes well. Definitely one of his stronger performances, I think. Gubba remarks on how Sam is more slimline than when he started, which is good because that powder-blue shirt is unforgiving. Scores: Dance 6.0, Robin 6.5, Katarina 7.0 for a total of 19.5 for a personal best for Sam. Sam calls those scores "ridiculous" and reflects on how far he's come. Alexandra says it was a very technical routine, but also a big performance and Sam delivered on that score too. Jayne says that they put a lot in there because they believed in him, and it looked absolutely solid.

Christine congratulates him and goes to Katarina first this time. Katarina likes the charm of the story, and says it's HARDER FOR A MAN to have to be the leading man, but she thinks he's doing it all very well. She thinks he comes across like a real pair skater now. Dance says that Sam's insecure smile worked well for him, and his arms are beautiful now, so he thinks Sam's definitely going the right way. Robin says it's nice to be relaxed watching him, but warns Sam about the look of tension that crosses his face whenever he has to lift Alexandra up.

Jorgie and Lovely Matt are next. Ooh, Lovely Matt's in blue. That's always been a good colour on him. She couldn't believe her scores from last week, but Chris reminds her that she can't rest on her laurels. She's got some tough choreography this week to 'Fallin'' by Alicia Keys, which Jayne helpfully supplies is "about a love/hate relationship between a couple". Matt tells her that she's "reaching for the love that I can't give you." Hee hee hee. Jorgie says that she thinks about skating too much and forgets about the acting, and Karen chastises her for this in practice, telling her that the judges will be looking for the total performance. However, Karen thinks it could be very special when it all comes together.

They begin on the steps (or rather, Jorgie's on the steps and Matt's on the ice), and go straight into a lift sequence, and it's possibly just the fact that it's really fucking cold in my flat, but I did genuinely get chills watching this performance. It's just so delicate and lyrical and really well-executed. However, whoever edited the track removed the "Oh oh OOOH-AHH-AHHH-AHHHHHHHHH" yelpy bit, which displeases me. Gubba calls her "the star of the show", which is probably a fair assessment but still a bit thoughtless towards everyone else. Scores: Dance 9.0, Robin 8.5, Katarina 8.5 for a total of 26.0. Jorgie is absolutely verklempt and basically splutters into the microphone. Matt speaks on her behalf, saying that she's "an incredible actress" (LOLZ) and he doesn't think she always realises how good an actress she is. Chris says that there was angst and passion in the routine, and she genuinely deserved those marks.

Christine asks Dance about the first nine of the series, and Dance said it brought a tear to his eyes because he genuinely believed the love between the two of them. He says that you don't need experts to tell you that was a beautiful performance, because anyone could've seen the technique and the love. He says he wanted to give her a ten, but he has to hold something back for later. Katarina says that she almost forgets to look at the skating because they draw so much attention in their chemistry, and Jorgie's involved right down to every fingertip. Robin says that when the blades got caught on her first pivot, he thought it could all go wrong, but she just dismissed it and it all just got better.

Last ad break. Vincent and Flavia from Strictly are advertising their stage show, which is all well and good, but where are the ads for Katya and Pasha's tour, eh? That's what I'm interested in.

When we return, it's time for our final couple of the evening, Sébastien and Brianne. They got Dance all excited last week and got themselves a high score. "I always thought I had the potential to match with Jorgie and Matthieu," says Sébastien, adorably. Chris thinks it'll be interesting to see how Sébastien copes with romance week. "By doing a split jump" is the answer, apparently. It's a difficult move that's only been achieved by Devil Goblin Ray Quinn on the show prior to this, but Sébastien is determined to give it a go. It's Robin's signature move, of course, so Robin will be monitoring this very closely.

They're skating to 'My Cherie Amour', with Brianne posing beneath an arch of roses. The arch proves to be a bit of a distraction throughout the routine, to be honest. They do a counter balance lift that looks a bit wobbly. Sébastien does the split jump, which is a little rough around the edges and his left leg doesn't go nearly as high as his right one, but he lands it successfully. It does look a bit out of place in a so-called romantic routine. Gubba starts lusting over Sébastien's muscles. Is there something you'd like to tell us, Gubba? Scores: Dance 7.0, Robin 7.0, Katarina 7.0 for a total of 21.0. Sébastien says that the jump was tricky and he knows he can do better, but he was happy with how it went. Brianne says that he's been kind of injured this week, but he pulled it off tonight and was fantastic. Jayne says it was one of the most difficult manoeuvres of the series, and he really went for it. Chris shows us the little sketches that Sébastien does to help him learn the routine, and they are both impressive and kind of nerdily adorable.

Christine goes to Robin to ask how it went, and Robin says he made it work - he got his legs up and did it from no speed at all, but what was great was the overall quality of his skating across the ice. Katarina disagrees: she thinks his crossovers were a little scratchy, but likes that we saw a different side of him today, a more romantic side. Dance loved the romance and he thought there was a beautiful performance - he thinks it's a real achievement for him.

And that's it! Leaderboard: Jorgie at the top, Chico second, Matthew third, Sébastien fourth, Sam fifth, Jennifer sixth, Chemmy seventh, Andy eighth, Rosemary ninth, and Heidi tenth. No ties this week. Could be interesting. Phil declares the lines now open ON ICE and my boyfriend rushes to vote for Chemmy. Bless. There's a recap of the night's routines, most of which I've kind of already forgotten, but I decide to chuck Chemmy a vote as well just because I enjoy her performances in general, and she's probably the contestant I like the most as a person now Charlene's gone. I'm fairly uncomplicated like that.

Who goes? We'll find out later tonight...

The Skate-Off

Earlier tonight! People scored, judges skated. Wait, scratch that. Reverse it. Thank you. Later, two couples will face the skate-off. But which ones? Titles!

Phil and Christine arrived, desperately hoping that people haven't switched over for the Baftas. (I have to admit, I did. What was going on with Christina Hendricks' hair? I mean, she's a beautiful woman, but that was all wrong. Jon Hamm, on the other hand, looked flawless from head to toe. Mmm, Jon Hamm. Can I just write about him instead? What? I have to finish this? Oh, please yourselves.) Christine reminds us that the lines are open, and encourages us to vote if we haven't done so already, and then invites us to watch a recap, while warning us to have a cushion ready to hide behind while watching Jennifer's performance. Oh, are they going to have a slow-motion injury porn extravaganza? I mean, they did it for Chemmy against her wishes, so it seems only fair.

Matthew got good feedback from the judges, and announces that he enjoyed every second of his performance, having felt much more confident compared to last week. Chemmy was told she could've been sexier by Dance, even though this isn't Sexy Night (don't give them ideas, Steven) and Chemmy says that she gave it all that she could out there. Andy was funny-romantic, much to Katarina's delight, but Robin wanted him to show more power. Andy thinks he has a lot more to give, and hopes people will keep him in. Heidi delivered a wobbly lift and a stumble, but Dance gave her a sympathetic review. Heidi was gutted, but hopes people vote for her. Karen says that it was all due to a confidence problem. Hoo boy, here we go - Jennifer's performance is summarised thusly: *kicks self in head with blade*, *cries on Dan at the kiss-and-cry*. Then they replay the kick in slow-mo. Twice. Stay classy, Dancing On Ice. We see her being tended to by the medical team, and Dan assuring us she's okay. Chico got a personal best score from playing romantic and doing a tough lift. He feels it's an amazing achievement regardless of who he beat. Though I'm guessing he's quite chuffed at being Matthew. Rosemary was still too reliant on her partner, per Robin. She says she can't be disappointed with the scores, because the judges are the experts. Sure, whatever works for you. Sam's cuteness impressed the judges and Dance loved his arms, and Sam thinks it was his best performance overall. Jorgie got the highest score of the series so far, and dazzled Katarina into not looking at the skating at all. Jorgie's speechless, and Lovely Matt calls her "an incredible actress" again. In response, Jorgie gushes that working with someone as great as Lovely Matt certainly helps, and Lovely Matt is all "well, thank you", making the most adorable awkward-bashful face I've ever seen. Oh, Lovely Matt. No matter how bad this show gets, I can always depend on you. Sébastien just about pulled off the Russian split jump, but Robin was more impressed with the overall quality of his skating. Sébastien thinks he could do the jump better, but he must stop being hard on himself. Chris and Jayne think it's the most dramatic show so far, drawing a direct parallel between Jennifer slicing her head open and Sébastien "doing a big jump". Oh dear.

Phil declares the lines closed ON ICE. Christine's with the judges, and asks them if it's anyone's game. Robin thinks it is (I disagree), and says that it's about being able to deliver on the night, and he thinks that, Jorgie aside, "the boys" collectively "kicked butt" tonight. Oh, Robin. Christine picks up the Jorgie baton and asks Dance if he expected to give a score like that so early, and he says that's exactly what it deserved and there was no other score he could've given. Katarina's opinion is not solicited. This makes me sad.

After the ads, Phil's got the results *touches ear*. In no particular order, the couples who are safe are: Jennifer and Daniel, Jorgie and Matt, Matthew and Nina, Sam and Alexandra, Chico and Jodeyne, Sébastien and Brianne, Andy and Vicky and Heidi and Andrei. This leaves Rosemary and Mark facing off against Chemmy and Sean in the skate-off. My instinct is towards Chemmy staying, given the judges' generally cooling attitude towards Rosemary lately, but I suppose it could still go either way, depending on how INSPIRING they find Rosemary's age from one minute to the next.

Christine's in the Survival Tunnel and asks Chemmy how it feels to be here. She says the Olympics is much easier than this, and nearly swears. Christine asks if she's going to try for the softness that the judges are asking for, and Chemmy replies that the song doesn't really lend itself to that, but she can at least try to be sexier. Christine turns to Rosemary, who just says "you might as well give me the flowers now." Heh. Rosemary says that she feels everyone's really raising their game, and she doesn't feel she can do that like the others can, so she's just happy to have got this far. Christine opts to cut this display of fatalism off right there, and sends them out for their reprisal.

Rosemary gives her second performance a good go, but there's no getting away from the fact that she still can't really stand away from Mark too much, and her skating's still a tad on the clunky side. She seems happy enough with her performance, though. They skate over to the kiss-and-cry, and Phil asks Jayne if Rosemary "let it rip". Jayne says she should be proud of herself, and Chris says that Rosemary enjoyed it and lived it. Phil asked Rosemary if she thinks she's done enough. "No," replies Rosemary. Heh. She adds that Chemmy's brilliant, and deserves to stay more than she does.

Let's find out, shall we? Chemmy and Sean head back out and she's clearly trying to be sexier, but I think it's at the expense of a bit of the finesse. I mean, she clearly deserves to stay over Rosemary because she's just that much steadier and better, but it's not as good as her first performance earlier, and she mistimes the start of her aeroplane lift and ends up smashing onto the ice - though Sean manages to quickly whip her back up again. Phil asks how she feels, and she says she feels great and loves Rosemary, so whatever happens, she's made some great friends. Chris and Jayne congratulate Sean on a nice save, and Chemmy babbles that she was trying "not to do a Charlene". Oooooh.

Time for the judges to make their decisions. Robin goes first, and says that he's surprised to see either of them in the skate-off. He thinks both performances were better (really?), but votes to save Chemmy. Dance agrees that they were both better, and also opts to save Chemmy, but would like to say what an inspiration (DRINK!) it's been to work with Rosemary. Katarina says that Rosemary's always had her admiration, but she wants to save Chemmy. So Chemmy's back next week.

Phil admits that Rosemary predicted this outcome, but says how happy they've all been to have her. Rosemary says that Mark is her new BFF, and she wants to thank him for being the best coach in the history of forever. Mark says INSPIRATION a few more times. Phil trumpets on about AGE a bit more. Rosemary thanks Chris and Jayne, and inverts things by saying what an INSPIRATION they are, and adding that people at home probably don't realise how hard they work.

Rosemary's best bits: falling over a lot, being old, feeling young, being INSPIRING, etc. Rosemary and Mark get their flowers and a big round of applause, and then we're down to nine. Christine announces that the remaining contestants are about to learn the big twist in store for next week, and the lights get all moody as Phil reveals that next week sees the return of the Ultimate Skills Test, where they will now be tested on pure skating ability. Oh, but it gets worse: if they end up in the skate-off, they'll have to take to the ice solo and perform a routine consisting of 23 separate skills. I'm thinking Heidi in particular really doesn't want to end up there next week. Chris says it's going to be a real test, and they're really upping the ante, because it's time to sort out the can-dos from the can't-dos. Jayne adds that it's week seven, and if they can't do those skills, they'll be left behind. Oh, and just to make things even tenser: three stars will face the skate-off, and two will be going home. The contestants all look suitably horrified.

That's it for this week! Join Carrie next week, assuming she hasn't given up on the series entirely by then. Fingers crossed...

1 comment:

Fiz said...

Jorgie, you were so lovely to watch! I had tears in my eyes. go, girl!