Sunday, 25 March 2012

Hungry like the Wolfenden

The Final: 25th March 2012

Well, folks, here we are - the final competitive show of 2012, in which him off Emmerdale, her off Hollyoaks and him out of The X Factor compete for the glory of...something or other. I'd like to say that it's been a series of highs and lows, but to be honest it's mainly been a series of tedious and broadly forgettable middles (aside from when Jenny Elly performed brain surgery on herself with her own skate, which will live on forever in infamy) and I don't really plan on thinking about any of it as soon as this recap is finished. So, without further ado, let's get on, shall we?

The show begins (a few minutes early, by my watch) with the finalists looking back over their journeys. Jorgie says that whatever happens tonight (i.e. Matthew's inevitable win), she made the final. Matthew pretends there was a time that he wasn't a ring-a-ding ringer and is impressed with how far he's come. Chico thinks he's never given as much to anyone as he has during this competition, thereby prompting an investigation from Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs. After that, the judges weigh in, with Robin saying how much he's loved watching Jorgie and that she believes every performance she makes. Dance lies that it took Matthew some time to find his spark, but after that he never lost it. Katarina marvels that Chico wasn't even supposed to be here, and yet here he is in the final. The finalists thus fully accounted for, we proceed to "highlights" from the series in general, as everyone waxes lyrical in voiceover about what an amazing series it's supposed to have been. Robin claims it's one of the most exciting final line-ups we've had. I disagree. He adds that anyone could win. Again, I disagree. Dance says it's a close call. Again, I d--well, you get the general idea. Who will we crown our champion of Dancing On Ice 2012? Let's find out. Cue boring titles!

We open with two singers I don't recognise singing Bolero. Well, this is novel. I have no idea who they are, but I daresay we'll be told shortly and then I'll feel suitably uncultured. Enough of that, though - here are Jayne and Chris! To be honest, getting to see them do Bolero once a year is one of the few reasons I stick with this show. It's all very epic and dramatic with flames accompanying it, and lots of Jayne leaping into Chris's arms, with the traditional slide to end. Well, at least that was an encouraging start to the show. Maybe the next two hours and ten minutes won't be so bad after all. [I only watched the last hour of this show and genuinely don't think I really missed anything what with the GAZILLION FUCKING RECAPS. - Carrie]

Phil and Christine arrive (hmm, maybe I spoke too soon) and welcome us to the final. Phil tells us that the singers were Noah Stewart and Laura Wright and tells us we can download that very special vocal version of Bolero for free at Nah, you're all right, thanks. Christine makes an eleventh-hour attempt to prove she actually has an important role to play on this show by telling us what's coming up: the contestants will be performing a showcase routine that they personally helped to create, as well as reprising their favourite routine from the series. Phil adds that the judges will be scoring, but for guidance only. Normally I'd make a joke here about how the judges' scores are always irrelevant, but you know what? Credit where it's due, this year's panel has been great, and I've rarely disagreed with their assessment of things, so I'm going to let that joke slide this time. Christine says that she genuinely thinks the standard of skating this year is the highest it's ever been, as if anyone cares.

The skating stars arrive: Matthew and Nina, Jorgie and Matt, and Chico and Jodeyne. Matthew's in some sort of Edwardian picnic outfit, Jorgie's in an 80s fitness video, and Chico's in a low-budget production of Grease. Phil says that only two of them will get to skate Bolero, and declares the lines officially open, before we've even seen anyone's routine. Not that I imagine it matters at this point in the proceedings, but still. I like it better when we at least pretend performance matters. In fact, performance is so unimportant this year we're going straight to an ad break. Sigh.

When we return, Phil reminds us that Jennifer cut her head open and Sébastien lost his memory this year, and that's about it. Chris continues the charade that this is the best series in the history of forever because everyone's JUST THAT GOOD, as does Jayne, who says it's going to be a fierce competition tonight.

So, now that we're 12 minutes in, how about some skating? Sure, let's go nuts. We're starting with Matthew and Nina, and we're reminded that he almost broke Nina during the headbanger last week, before acing the Definitely Ultimate Skills Test and getting an automatic slot in the final. Matthew says he's very pleased with himself to have got this far. His showcase is to 'Singing In The Rain', and he's got three extra professional skaters to play with. As it were. Chris explains that they've got extra costumes and props and whatever they want to come up with for the performance, and we see Matthew going to the design team with his mood board. There's some tap-dancing in the routine, as well as some rain, and therefore he's worried about being all slippery and end up dropping Nina. You know, again. He worries about it needing to be perfect because he wants to do Bolero, as if there's any chance whatsoever of that not happening. Pull the other one, Wolfenden.

Matthew opens his umbrella indoors (ooh, bad luck) and stands under the rain machine), which pours a bit feebly, to be honest. His first few steps are rather skittish - whether it's the rain or not, I have no idea - but he does all the hallmarks associated with this song, including prancing around a lamppost and, er, doing an aeroplane lift on ice. There's more prancing in the rain, then a big soft-shoe number with the umbrellas, and finally a retreat to the kiss and cry. Hmm. Not that it matters, but I thought that was a bit too busy, to be honest. It looked a bit frantic and messy around the edges. Still, Gubba loves it, so what do I know? Irrelevant Judges' Scores: Dance 10.0, Robin 10.0, Katarina 10.0 for a total of 30.0. Hooray? Everyone in the studio seems very pleased, apart from Laila Morse who makes the mistake of looking right into the camera while looking completely unimpressed, which amuses me. Matthew thinks this is the best he's ever done that routine. Chris says that he had goosebumps watching that, and it's been such a pleasure to work with Matthew.

Christine thinks this was a fantastic start. Robin says that Gene Kelly is his idol because he was so generous to those he worked with and he was so spontaneous while also being well-crafted. Robin says that Matthew just led a fully professional ensemble ON ICE and played the part of leading man perfectly. He thinks it cannot get better than that. Katarina agrees that it was totally perfect, the way he captured the feel of the music and the character was very playful, and it was an ensemble piece, but he still outshone everyone else. She thinks the quality of his skating was just outstanding. Dance thinks it was superb, and says that Matthew's performance ON ICE was better than Singing In The Rain in the West End right now NOT ON ICE. Well, obviously, because everything's better ON ICE, right? Otherwise I don't even know what we're doing here. ON ICE. [Bet the Olivier-nominated Singin' In The Rain show team are losing sleep about what Dance thinks. - Carrie]

Phil shills the pointless app, and then it's time for our second showcase of the evening: Jorgie and Matt. Chris thinks Jorgie gave a great performance last week, and Jorgie's thrilled to be the first female celeb to ever land the headbanger. Assuming we count the bit where Lovely Matt had to grab onto her arse to hold her up. Of course, she ended up in the skate-off, but only against Jennifer, so she survived. Her final showcase is to 'Fame', and the stunningly original concept for this is a dance class that moves onto the street. ON ICE, obviously. They've got Brianne, Sylvain (yay!), Maria and Mark helping them out. Lovely Matt is rocking a very flattering light purple hoodie, by the way. The final part of the routine involves Mark, Lovely Matt and Sylvain chucking Jorgie in the air and catching her. The initial practise of this, in which Jorgie is played by a carpet (you don't actually see anyone saying "hmm, Jorgie seems unusually lucid today", but I'm sure it happened) does not go well, as the carpet plummets to the floor. Jorgie vows that she'll do anything to get to Bolero, even being flung into the air. I'm sure the prospect of being caught by Lovely Matt and Sylvain's Arms isn't exactly hurting matters either.

They begin with a terrible, terrible skit that would seriously make you doubt that acting was Jorgie's day job if she weren't, y'know, in Hollyoaks, where Jorgie's level of ability makes her look like Dame Judi herself. It's not as showy or elaborate as Matt's routine was earlier, and it's all a bit...naff, but it adds a welcome air of gaiety (in every possible sense) to the evening, and of course it's lovely to see Sylvain back after all this time, after bloody Heidi bloody Sugababes broke him. The lob into the air goes according to plan and Jorgie survives, and there we finish. Colour me fairly unimpressed with both showcase performances so far, to be honest. Irrelevant Judges' Scores: Dance 10.0, Robin 9.5, Katarina 9.5 for a total of 29.0. Jorgie has thrilled to have got a 10.0, even if it was only from Dance. She says that she can't believe she's even here - even when she watches it back, she won't believe it's here. Jayne says that there were very tricky lifts in the routine and she's impressed that Jorgie pulled them off.

Dance says that this is his era (really?) and he thought it was absolutely fabulous. He thought the lifts were incredibly difficult and she was just throwing them out. He thought it had personality, performance and speed, and everything she needed for her final performance. Robin says it was just the skating steps in the solo skating that let her down, but the lifts were amazing and it was probably her best skate of the series. Katarina says the programme really highlighted her best assets - her performance skills, her energy, her dancing and her acting (LOLZ), but she didn't give it a 10.0 because the skating wasn't quite up to it. "BUT I LOVED IT!" screams Dance. I think we need to put a muzzle on him.

More adverts, then we're back for Chico's showcase, which Christine tells us has a Happy Days theme. Well, this isn't going to be cheesy at all, is it? Last week, Chico went super-beige and got his best scores yet. Chico says that he expected to be in the skate-off last week, and when his name was read out, he couldn't believe it, especially since HE IS 40. I don't know if you've noticed that, but he is indeed 40. He's been rather subtle about it so far. He's dancing to the Happy Days theme, as expected, and he's playing The Fonz. He's very excited to have all this input into the showcase. In rehearsals, Jodeyne has to keep reminding him not to focus on the other skaters on the ice, but Chico is worried about performing alongside the other pros, because they're...well, professionals. However, he vows to do his very best on the night.

As far as the performance goes, it's super-cheesy, and Chico's worries about the lifts prove well-founded when he overbalances a lift, then Jodeyne slips off his shoulders and plummets onto the ice. OUCH. She's okay, as far as I can tell, and gets right back up again. That's the most interesting thing that happens, really - the rest is just a load more circuits and aerial cartwheel flips and aeroplane lifts and whatnot, which are all fine, but not hugely exciting. I'm afraid it's a bit WAH-WAH from me for all three showcases this evening. Judges' Irrelevant Scores: Dance 8.5, Robin 8.5, Katarina 9.0 for a total of 26.0. Chico blathers on about how the heart of a champion is someone who gets down, then gets up and carries on, and tells all the kids never to give up on their dreams. I dunno, I think we should teach kids that sometimes it's okay to give up on your dreams, especially if they involve Dancing On Ice. Or, Lord preserve us, resuming your pop career. Chris applauds Chico for carrying on, despite the fall. Dude, he's not the one who fell. Chico says he's glad Jodeyne's safe, and she confirms that she is.

Robin says that Chico really did get right back into it, but it got a lot more cautious after that point. He thought Chico did great partnering and some great tricks. Katarina says she knows how good he is and how far he has come, and he's really lived up to her expectations - even with the mistake, he performed very well. Dance says that Chico has always been the ultimate performer, and that he can do these lifts in his sleep, so he just hopes he's going to go out there and give the next performance 150%. I love how everyone's all "well done for carrying on with the routine!" to Chico like he's the one who fell. Phil demands a round of applause for the people who struck the set for that routine so quickly that it's all gone already. Fair enough, I think they've earned that. Then? More adverts.

When we return, it's time for the skaters to reprise their favourite routines of the series. Matthew and Nina are up first, repeating 'Don't Stop Me Now' from week eight. He's got those leather trousers on once again, and they're still not as flattering as you'd think they would be. The routine, however, remains incredibly polished, and I can't really offer much criticism. Irrelevant Judges' Scores: Dance 9.5, Robin 9.5, Katarina 9.5 for 28.5 - an improvement of 2.5 on last time. Matthew says, once again, it's the best he's ever done it. He says he was far more nervous tonight than the first time he did it, because it's just such a massive occasion. Jayne says that it was much more of a controlled and mature performance than the first time, and quotes the lyrics of the song to inform Matthew that there's "no stopping him now". So it would seem.

Up next are Jorgie and Matt, reprising their Valentine's Day routine to 'Fallin'' from week six. Oh, darn, I was hoping for the zombie/vampire/Evanescence one. Still, this one plays to all of Jorgie's strengths in that it's lyrical and delicate and allows her to make all sorts of lovely shapes. Lovely Matt lifts her one-handed at the end - I can't remember if that happened first time around or not, and to be completely honest I can't be bothered to go back and check, but either way, it's pretty impressive. Gubba says that Jorgie's thigh is the latest addition to the list of injuries for this year, and makes a slightly creepy joke about it getting more strapping than a 1950's schoolboy. Irrelevant judges' scores: 10.0s all round for a total of 30.0, a whopping 4 points up on last time. Jorgie says that she thought this might be the last dance she'd ever do with Matt, so she gave it her all. Lovely Matt says that he really felt like he was skating with a professional. Chris admits to having a lump in his throat, and Jayne says that she's got goosebumps. Phil ushers us once more into the sweet ad break, plugging the competition by saying that it's a chance for us to make "a visit of [our] own". Amen, says a nation getting up to go for a slash.

When we return, Phil reminds us what's happened so far, and then it's time for Chico to reprise his routine to 'Sexy And I Know It' from week nine. Any excuse to get his tits out, clearly. It's another solid return of an old routine, though there are moments where he and Jodeyne are noticeably out of sync with each other. Gubba reminds us that Chico's torso is even more overexposed than Jessie J, but not quite as obnoxious. Judges' Irrelevant Scores: Dance 10.0, Robin 10.0, Katarina 10.0 for a total of 30.0. Sure, why not? Phil cracks an "it's Chico's time" joke and Chico exclaims - shushing the audience - that he believed in a positive mental attitude, and while he might be the underdog, tonight he feels like he's under God. There's a bit more chat about how "he was first reserve zomg!" and Jayne says that he deserves both his place in the final and those 10.0s.

Leaderboard: Jorgie and Matt are in the lead with 59.0, Matthew and Nina close behind on 58.5, and Chico and Jodeyne in third with 56.0. Not that any of it matters, of course, because the judges' scores count for nothing tonight, lest we forget. We're given a reminder of all the performances to help us decide who we want to vote for, but at this point I have gone for the far more important business of rescuing all my laundry from a broken washing machine. It's all glamour in Tellybitching Towers, folks. Back in the studio, Phil says that when we have eliminated one contestant, the show will wipe the slate clean and start from scratch to get more money from the phone lines give us another chance to vote for our champ. Then Christine's with the judges, and Dance says that these finalists have shown true dedication and skill to get here, and each one of them has scored at least one 10.0 for one of their performances. He thinks they're all "deservant" winners, and suffers the indignity of being corrected by Christine Bleakley. Ha! Katarina says the standard tonight is very high, and that anyone coming in tonight who hadn't seen any of the series prior to this (and there are a lot of those people, let's not forget) would think they were all professionals. Robin says that he's spent the last weeks asking people to learn the craft of skating and putting them through all sorts of hoops, and one performance tonight had all of those boxes ticked - Matt's showcase. Karen chips in, saying that they're all worthy winners. Thanks Karen! Phil tells us we have just minutes to vote, because the lines will close after the next ad break. Oh, the tension.

Upon our return, we're told that the lines are indeed now closed, and that we must not vote, because our thoughts will not be considered. While the votes are being counted, here are the also-rans! Andy A and Laila joke about how they were barely on the show, laughing heartily to show that they're TOTALLY OKAY with being spurned by the public, though if I were Andy I'd probably want words with the judges for prioritising bloody Heidi Range over me. Mark says that it was the hardest thing in the world. Charlene is very proud of her 'Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend' number, while Rosemary fondly recalls doing her duet routine with Andy W, and how fortunate she was to be paired with him and thereby look a lot better in comparison. Chemmy's favourite moment was getting into that plateau lift and DEFINITELY NOT BEING TOO FAT FOR IT WHATEVER KATARINA SAYS, while Andy W was happy about breaking the 20.0 mark. Sébastien's worst moment was forgetting the routine in the Sort Of Demanding Skills Test, because there was so much that he wanted to do, and Sam says that he wanted Chico to fall over in their skate-off, because it would've improved his chances. Jennifer says that being on the show improved her confidence, Heidi says that she misses being on the show (perhaps you should've made more of an effort when you were on it, then) and Corey also misses being in front of a live crowd and getting that reaction. Charlene, of course, is EPIC here and says that the week after she was eliminated, she was watching the show in her hotel room, enjoying room service and watching Jennifer kick herself in the head. HA! Charlene is so awesome.

And here they are - the class of 2012! They're not really doing very much other than skating out much like they did at the start of the show, except in elimination order, so: Andy A and Maria, Laila and Lukasz, Mark and FRANKIE!, Corey and Brooke (Brooke! I miss her), Charlene and Matthew, Rosemary and Mark, Sébastien and Brianne, Heidi and Andrei (who is apparently her official partner this year since Sylvain is now well enough to skate with her again, though you can understand why he wouldn't want to), Sam and Alexandra, Andy W and Vicky, Chemmy and Sean, and Jenny Elly and Dan. It's nice to see them all again and everything, but this procession feels entirely fillerific and pointless. Could we not have had some sort of group routine instead, or at least some brief snippets of a noted routine from each contestant? No, apparently not.

Everyone disperses quickly, so that our three finalists can assemble themselves on the ice. All three have rehearsed a Bolero routine and want to perform it tonight, but one couple will have to settle for just doing it on the tour. The first couple through to Bolero stage is...Matthew and Nina. He screams with excitement, apparently not seeing the inevitability of this like the rest of us. Who gets the final spot? After an unnecessarily protracted pause, it's Jorgie and Lovely Matt. The right decision, I feel. So Chico and Jodeyne are finishing in third place. Hey, that's one place better than last year, Jodeyne. In 2014, you'll be winning this thing. Phil tells them both how well they've done to make it this far, and we see Chico's best bits. The clips, I mean, he doesn't get his tits out again. The clips show him as someone well-meaning if rather overexuberant, and a pretty charismatic skater. Jayne says that it's always been fun to work with Chico, because he's always in a good mood. Chico thanks everyone (including, I think, his "spiritual master", but I might have misheard that). Phil: "Sadly, we didn't get to see his Bolero. We've seen everything else, but not his Bolero." Chico breaks in one last time to thank Jodeyne, saying that while his wife is over there bearing his child (ew), Jodeyne is...also valid, or something. So now all of the previous votes have been wiped off the record, and those who care must start voting for Matthew or Jorgie all over again. Particularly during this convenient ad break.

Then we're back, and it's Bolero time! Up first are Matthew and Nina. We see their VT, in which they want Chris and Jayne's routine reverently, as one must. As ever, they have to start on their knees and end lying down, but the rest is up to them. Matthew's all "well, we have to match that, erp" about it and he and Nina work out their choreography, working pretty well together, it seems. He says that he wants to do the piece of music justice as well as making Chris and Jayne proud. Karen opines that Matthew has really taken charge, and it's unusual to see the celebrity bringing so much to the table in terms of choreography. Matthew says he's very proud of the routine because he feels like he's had a lot of input, and that this is the time to give the performance of the series, because he wants to win.

Their Bolero is, to be honest, rather good. It's soft and lyrical, but with Matthew clearly playing a very strong leading man in the proceedings. They put in some elaborate tricks without detracting from the relationship with the music, they make a great partnership, and he's completely in control at all times. I've never really been a fan of his because I find him super-bland, but after seeing this, I figure that whatever Jorgie does, Matthew's inevitable victory is both confirmed and justified. Gubba comments that "it's still magical after all those years", and I can only assume he means the music, because the entire routine is different to the one that got Jayne and Chris the Olympic gold. Phil asks them how it feels, and Matthew says that you get tingles when the music starts, especially with Jayne and Chris watching. Jayne says it's very hard to choreograph, because it can't be more perfect than the original. Kiss-ass. Chris calls it "sublime" and says that Matthew puts his heart into everything.

Robin says that Matthew laid everything out in front of us tonight, and while he had to fight to get the star-lift up, he did manage it, and it was the most difficult Bolero they've ever had on the show. Katarina says that there wasn't a single crossover that was boring because he kept going from one trick to another, there was always something going on, and from the beginning it was mesmerising. She can't imagine what kind of world-class skater Matthew would've been if he'd started as a little boy. Wow. Dance says it was superb, and that it became an extension of Matthew, into which he invited us. That sounds dirty.

In the unenviable position of having to top that: Jorgie and Lovely Matt. Jorgie doesn't exactly endear herself to viewers by saying that this was the first time she'd ever seen Jayne and Chris's original Bolero (like, you've never seen a final of this show before? When you signed up, you didn't think it might be a good idea to look up their most famous routine on YouTube? Good God, woman), while Lovely Matt continues to look super-fine in his purple hoodie. Jorgie audibly gasps at the end. They work on their routine together, though it seems this is very much a case of Lovely Matt doing most of the choreography. Jorgie says that she wants to make a routine to say "look what you've taught me, and thanks very much", which is sweet. [Look at what you've taught me! I didn't have a clue about who you were before! Because I'm too fucking stupid to be able to do a Google search and find out! GOODNESS SAKE, JORGIE PORTER. - Carrie] Lovely Matt tells her that there was a "ball of fire" between Jayne and Chris when they perform, which he wants them to emulate, and adds "we don't smile so much in Bolero." Hee. Jorgie thinks that a good Bolero could make the difference between winning and being the runner-up. I doubt it, love, but keep on dreaming.

Their opening choreography is more in line with the original than Matthew and Nina's was, but lacks the sense of originality as a result. That's not to say this routine isn't entirely lovely on its own merits - they work so well together, Jorgie is deft and assured and they've really come up with a great performance, as well as some dazzling intricate and daring lifts, but it just doesn't quite have the impact that Matthew and Nina's did. Gubba reminds us that Jorgie wasn't even born until five years after Jayne and Chris won at the Olympics, making us all feel very old. There's a great bit at the end of the recap where Gubba's clearly expecting something else to come up, or possibly the scores, only for it to cut back to the studio, so he's left floundering: "There's's Phillip." Hee. Jorgie starts to well up, and Lovely Matt says that she's put so much into it, and the tears are coming now (Jorgie, being all cute: "Pack it in!") because it's the culmination of all her hard work. Jayne says that Jorgie did them proud, and wells up a bit too as she says that Jorgie looked like a ballerina out there.

Katarina says they've been through a tough 12 weeks, and today with the rehearsal, the show and all the emotions, they must be tired, but they mustn't be disappointed with themselves, because Jorgie should be very proud of what she's learned, as Katarina is proud of her as a skater. She's pleased with her elegance and her passion, and she just gave a great performance. Dance says that Jorgie does slow, lyrical, dramatic routines so well, and she's just outdone herself. Robin says that what was special about it, was that by being slightly tired and having to create it herself, we got to see Jorgie being herself, and she did it beautifully.

That's it, performance-wise. Another recap, this time just focusing exclusively on the Bolero performances, presumably so as not to ruin the rather awestruck mood in the studio. Phil urges us all to vote quickly, as the lines will close after the final break.

Upon our return, Phil tells us that the lines are now closed for good, and Christine promises that we'll find out the victor soon, honest. Very soon. There's just time for Phil to make a cheap joke in which Christine "comically" "misunderstands" him to think that he's been having sex with Rosemary Conley, and then we're into a recap of the series at breakneck speed. If only we could've watched the whole thing like this. I won't go into all the details, because we were all there for them first time round, and even if you weren't: that's what the recaps are for. There's some new commentary in there, but it's all just the usual vague pleasantries about how this is the bestest series ever and how everyone is so talented, which I think we've all heard ad infinitum by now. There's an injury porn montage, with Jenny Elly cracking up about how she was the first girl ever on the show "to do the headbanger on her own", and Jorgie mutilating Lovely Matt's lovely face. Anyway, the message is "talented cast, memorable moments, great series, and whatever you do, don't mention the ratings."

Here we go, then: Phil is centre stage on a podium, with the trophy and the two finalists. Matthew tells him that it's been one of the best experiences of his life, and he doesn't know if he'd do it again because it's so difficult - harder than marathons and triathlons, both of which he's already attempted. Nina says that it's a real piece of your life. We see his best bits. They are bland, highly competent and ringery. Phil wishes him luck, and turns to Jorgie and Matt. Jorgie thought it would all be about wearing crystals every weekend (bless), but it's been so emotional and so extreme, and she splutters about Lovely Matt having "produced me". Now there's a mental image. Lovely Matt says there's nothing she wasn't able to do, and Phil gets Jorgie to say one more time that she never dreamed she'd be in the final. Then we have Jorgie's best bits: squeaky, breathy, childlike, soft, lyrical, etc. Phil wishes them luck too, and then it's time, finally, to reveal who has won this year's competition.

The Dancing On Ice champions for 2012 are...Matthew and Nina, single-handedly ruining the girl-boy-girl-boy-girl-boy system that's been in place for six years. There's just no room for tradition in modern Britain, is there? "NO! NOOO!" screams Matthew, having apparently mistaken this for a scene from Emmerdale in which someone is running off with his child, or running out in front of a truck, or choking on a stick of celery or something. Seriously, if he's surprised that he won, he must be very much in the minority here. Meanwhile, Jorgie and Lovely Matt applaud and do gracious loser faces, and fireworks go herp derp blerp as they shoot across the perp slurp werp. Christine asks Jorgie how she feels, and she says she can't think of anyone better to be up against, and gets all teary again. Lovely Matt agrees, and says that they're all friends and whatnot. Christine makes Jorgie promise to keep skating, and then we're over to Phil with Matthew, who says it's going to take a few days for it all to sink in. He thought he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and career signing up for this show when he first started, but...well, obviously not. Jayne and Chris come over to present the trophy, and Matthew bears it aloft, and that's it. There's just time to thank everyone involved, and Phil promises that they'll see us all back next year. Although that might be wishful thinking, if there's another ratings tail-off.

And that's it from us too. Thank you to all those of you who stuck with us through this series. We haven't decided whether we'll be back next year yet [ugggggggggggggggggggggggh - Carrie], but we'll let you know in due course. Whatever happens, thank you once again, and remember: ON ICE.


Fiz said...

Fixed. I won't be watching next year.

diane said...

Oh please come back next year! It's the best bit about the show!!!
Probably in the minority but I really enjoyed this year - great judging panel, the lovely Matt and the lovelier Andrei back! And great contestants (generally).